do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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