dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
