thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
