the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
