i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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