the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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