I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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