I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
