she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
