Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
