I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
