There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
