Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
