Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
