Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The air was thick with penises
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
