I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
