On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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