That's intense
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize