Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
