actually, I'm a sock model
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
