He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
