So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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