I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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