OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
