it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
