just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
