if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Randomize