Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
