My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
