1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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