i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
