kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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