So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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