The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So squirting runs in the family.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize