i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
