Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
