Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
