i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
