Whoa Z and x make the same sound
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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