she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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