I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
