Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
