drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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