Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize