yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm passing your future prison.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
