I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
