I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
