i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im part way to drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
