Your mouth is God's brothel.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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