are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
two words...techno handjob
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
