i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
