i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
