He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
