New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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