yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
