we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
