You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
