So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize