I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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