hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
