like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
