Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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