i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My ass is underappreciated
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm always down for nudity.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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