Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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