He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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