making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
