I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
