Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
