last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
