There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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